...but don't forget the rules!

The first of the Midweek Mandates: (was to be Monday's mandates, but due a case of overblog has been postponed to today).

1.Unless you are his partner, never talk to a man who is holding his penis.

• (b) Or in the same room other men are holding theirs.
• (This mainly applies to blokes who feel the need to chat to you when you are at the urinal in public toilets, particularly at the pub.)

I have seen this rule mentioned before in 'general rules for men' type lists floating around out there, but the current rule leaves an opening for general discussion within the toilets away from the urinal, and needs considerable tightening up.

Blokes do not need to go to the toilets in pairs, and do not need to hang out in toilets chatting. Invariably, blokes toilets smell worse than girls do, and any more time spent in them than completely necessary is unpleasant and probably unhealthy.

Also, men's toilets are well known for the lack of queues and the speedy way you are able to do your business and get back to drinking/dancing/watching the band/waiting for your girlfriend to come out of the ladies with a "jeez..how much longer do you reckon you could take? I've already had another pint!" ready.
this is something for which most men are justifiably proud. We don't need stupid coloured, faux hawked/ urban mulleted/ collar up/ pink shirt wearing/posers buggering it up for the rest of us. So if you feel the need to chat...

.......the women's is next door!

nb. this rule does not apply to the scrotum. This exemption exists in order that people can actually speak to a man while he is asleep, or watching TV (which are essentially the same thing mentally). As for holding them while you sleep, this is NECESSARY. Every man knows there were many cases in the OLDEN DAYS (when things were in black and white and testicles highly prized for their health benefits when dessicated and made into a refreshing tea) of testicle theft in the dead of night. It's for protection.
The mere fact that not many women sleep holding their boobs shows the frivolous disregard they have for their own security.

...And the blogs keep a comin'!

A strange day, the day between a public holiday and the weekend.

It began like any other day. The raucous screaming of the alarm, the sudden spring out of bed into a soothing warm shower as the knowledge of the actual time penetrates the cloudy, sleepy brain.(bugger the water restrictions - not my fault the government is reluctant to charge appropriate prices for this precious resource - I am happy to pay extra for a stupidly long shower and would probably CURB my overuse as the cost increased).

Steaming rice from the microwave, nice cup of coffee with appropriately frothed milk and then out the door.

Conveniently, K had the day off, so a lift to work in the ute was in order. Once on the road, the day looked nice. It was strangely quiet, an odd feeling in the air, but otherwise normal. The drive in was over in short order, with a minimum of aggro (apart from one silly tart in a BMW who tried to outrun then cutoff the ute - NO ONE outruns the UTE OF DEATH!!!). The ute pulled up quietly to the KERB and he stepped out to meet the day.

It was at this point the day started to take on a different complexion. The tumbleweed bouncing gracefully down the city street would have unnerved a lesser man, but not our hero. "Coffee," he thinks, "Me needs, now. Um, no change, in pocket. Later, maybe". (This sort of strangely poetic sentence structure was the norm until said first cafe strength coffee was obtained).

The automatic doors seemed to almost sense his approach to the building, and were already open by the time he got to them. He stopped, looking suspiciously at the mechanism, as the security guard began to look nervous.

"G'day Herb!" he called to the guard, trying to put him at ease, having no idea what his actual name was and having never before spoken to him. The lift, too, was unnaturally quick. Not normal. So he took the stairs.

Sometime later, and a little out of breath, he arrived on his floor. At first, all seemed well. A phone was ringing, or was it? Clearly, the term 'ringing' implies some sort of bell making noise, and the noise he could hear was made by an electronic signal sent through a small speaker, not a bell at all! He was starting to worry. As he rounded the corner to his desk, he noticed the floor was practically empty. In fact, you could have fired a gun in here and not hit anything.

So he did.

No response.

No one here to give him stuff to do, and an inherited reluctance to work when no one else was left him at a loss. What to do? The internet served as a crutch for a good two hours, but once he had reached the stage of learning how staples were glued together, and the beginnings of Croatian vocab, he lost interest.

He sipped his coffee. Feet resting comfortably on the desk as he gazed out the window.

Maybe the naked chick would make an appearance today? Who knew, but he owed it to his absent colleagues to report on their return.

The clock on the computer ticked..or really 10010111001101ed ?

And he slept.

...but, apparently, I don't blog fast enough.

Is 'blog' a verb? Well, now it is, according to...people.

Latley I am torn about my constant whingeing/ campaigning for the continued purity of the English langauage and, in particular, Australian grammar and spelling. Remember, curb and kerb are different.

Mangoman's Manager is also guilty of this, but also tends to switch sides occasionally and point out the organic nature of language. And so on.

I've just bored myself, so the rest of you may started surfing Wiki by now. Sorry.

Back to the blog. Thought I might tell you about last weekend. I built some shelves. Or did I build a cabinet thingo which has shelves in it? The shelves already existed, and I put into a..thing? Dunno.

Anyways, thisa happen. I needed somewhere to put my records. Yes that's right, records. Oh crap. I can't think of anything else to write, so I'm just going to put a couple of photos in. I'll try to kick my brain into gear at a later time.




















And here's my decks!!!

..but faster on the weekend.

Thursday.

But Thursday before Good Friday, which is really Friday. Seems there is three people left on the floor at four in the arvo. I've been flat out all week for the first time in my new job and managed to finish all my work, so I have a bit of time to update.

The problem is, my little brain is out of fuel. Also, I was so busy today I had no lunch, so I'm feeling a little light headed. The pressure of writing something funny or interesting is too much, and I'm about to be the last person here.

So...

Just have a look at this website and pretend the stuff I haven't written here is as funny as that.
http://www.planetdan.net/pics/misc/georgie.htm
The whole department has been playing it today.

hometime....